Mama we all go to hell
by rosalina2123
Summary: this is more of a what if story. In 1994 Tate tries to commit suicide and nearly succeeds. Is this his breaking point before the school shooting and will this be enough to get his mom to realize that he's not such a good boy after all? Well Mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue You should've raised a baby girl, I should've been a better son
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Cold silver lances the tender flesh on my pale wrists,this isn't the first time I've done this,I'm fearless,I'm not afraid anymore,death is truly coming for me this time,this won;t be another failed attempt. Digging deeper until blood spurts onto the porcelain white floor,as my sister knocks on the door and calls for me,little does she know what's really happening on the inside, "Tate,let me in,you've been in there for an hour and a half now come on out"she tells me,"no,leave me alone"i tell her, "all right,you can stay but let me at least call mom"she says to me,"ok,fine"i say. Water drips as i turn on the shower,I've lost a lot of blood,and at this point I'm not thinking straight,all i can think about is getting warm. Warm water drips down in currents onto me,soaking my clothes and supposedly making me warmer. The door knob jiggles as someone tries to force it open, putting their weight against the door,it pops open, and the person comes to me. It's my mother,i can tell by the fluid movement of her body as she reaches for the faucet to turn it off, and then none to gently pulls me to my feet,and gets me out of the shower. "What in the hell are you thinking Tate, really what are you thinking"She says to me as she dials 911 on the house phone, someone answers and she talks to the operator , she tells them that I've tried to commit suicide, and I'm losing a lot of blood. I don't here the response but mother nods her head as she grabs a towel wraps it around my wrists and sits me on the edge of the tub. She doesn't say a word as I start to cry "I'm so sorry momma, really I am, I don't want to die"I say, "shh it's alright honey,we are going to get you the help you need, it'll be ok"She says to me as she puts her arm around my shoulders,gripping hard with her pale hands. I can't help to think but to hell it's going to be ok, I've been doing this for so long and she didn't even notice, and now she feels like she has the right to be angry at me just like she is for everything else. The door opens and people start trailing in one after the other, a couple are cops and others are medics I guess because the cops help my mother to her feet and guide her out, then someone kneels down in front of me,and they try to get me to look at them.

I finally do but I'm not really aware of what's happening because I'm just scared, I've never taken it this far before and now I know what it feels like to be at the brink of death. Two people lift me off of the edge of the tub, I squirm quite a bit,but then a hand touches my forehead, "shh it'll be alright sweet heart,stop fighting us,we're here to help you"the feminine voice says. They carry me out into the hallway and then lay me on a gurney, then take me outside. We get into the ambulance and as soon as the doors shut, we take off. I now start to realize I'm shivering and then it hits me it's because I'm wet, hands start poking and prodding at me as someone starts to cut off my clothes to try and get me warm. After they finish they put a blanket over me and then we stop. The doors open and then there are more people to deal with as they start to crowd me and then a nurse tells a few to back up a bit. I can hear the doctor ask the medics what they got and they tell him a suicidal teenage male, 17 years of age, already has harmed himself. They take me inside and into a room, then they shut the curtain for privacy. A blood pressure cuff is put around my arm as the doctor hooks me up to a machine of some sort and then looks at my wrists, he nods to the nurse and apparently she knows what that means because she leaves the room for a minute. The doctor clears his throat and then proceeds to talk to me, "Tate, what did you cut yourself with", "i honestly don't remember, a razor blade I think"i respond. I feel myself getting weaker as I'm losing blood and then I feel like my heart's pounding, as I try to sit up and I'm pushed back down onto the bed. Everything after this happens so fast,so quick, voices are distorted ,figures blur, as someone puts something, a tube of some sort,in my nose and then nothing. There was no white light like they say, or anything, one moment I'm there and I'm banished into oblivion.

Distressed voices sound as I become aware of the enclosing darkness, telling me to live saying my mother and sister need why do they need, me ,it's not like we get along anyways, and life would be better this way. It doesn't matter what I think though because a figure grabs my arm, and once she's close I realize it's Gram, "Tate,honey what have you done"she says, "i don't know, I just don't want to die"I say, "well,it might already be too late for that, I can try to will you back but there is no guarantee it'll work"she says, putting her hands on my shoulders. Then in a blink right after that I'm back, it hurts like hell but I'm back, now comes the waiting for me to wake up.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

White light asuualts my eyes as I find myself waking up in a strange room. Everything is white including the sheets, and I soon realize that my arms are strapped down to the bed. I can't move and that scares me, no one is in the room with me to release me, and worse it hurts, a dull throb but still. Time passes slowly until a nurse opens the closed door and comes up by my bed. "well I see you're awake, do you mind if I look you over and take the restraints off"she asks, "no that's fine, how long have I been out,is mother still here"I ask, "k you've been out for about 2 hours, and your mom went home to tend to your sister,she'll be back in awhile"she says. Gently she reaches down and undoes the restraints, then helps me sit up against some pillows. She examines me, checks my wrists and changes the bandages, then once she's done she helps me lie back down. She also puts the restraints back on, I know from experience that she'll have to leave them on until the doctor gives the ok to do otherwise.

"The doctor will be here in a bit, and we'll talk about getting these restraints off of you, is there anything you need right now, honey"she asks, "yeah, just some water"I say, "k I will be right back"she says. The door closes again and i'm left alone once again. The quietness disturbs me in a sense because of how alone I feel, like nobody gives a damn what happens to me. Mother has her own problems and even if she didn't we would still fight anyways, just like last week, with our paticualarly nasty fight.

Flashback

"_God damn it, Tate Langdon get your ass back here"she says grabbing my shoulder, I shrug it off and slam the door behind me, I act like I don't even hear her. I storm down the side walk trying to get the hell away from that place, anywhere would be better than being in that hell hole, especially with her constant nagging about every little thing. I don't know how much time has passed when I finally reach the park that's about a mile or 2 from our house. I sit down on the bench,watching the empty park as I grab a cigarette from my pocket and light it. I smoke when i'm stressed, another bad habit mother criticizes me for, have been since I've been 14 years old. The scent of the tobacco and nicotine is enough to calm my nerves as I look at the time on my watch, 11:00, mother's going to be pissed but yet she's already pissed anyways. I stand up and I walk the 1 to 2 miles home and arrive about 11:30. I gently unlock the front door,hoping mother doesn't hear me come in, but unfortunately she does. "where in the hell have you been, you smell like cigarette smoke"she says, "nowhere important, i'm done, good night"I say. Then she does the last thing I expect her to do,she reaches up and slaps me hard, "now don't you dare talk that way to me again, go upstairs I don't want to see you until morning"she says, "fine,good night"I say hand placed against my throbbing cheek. I storm up the staircase and go to my bedroom, slamming the door behind. Nora is sitting on the bed waiting for me to come get inside the covers. I slip off my clothes and wearing nothing but my boxers I crawl in lying against her as she runs her ice cold fingers through my hair, "shh go to sleep your safe now, I won't hurt you"she whispers quietly. Eventually I fall asleep waiting for the morning to come and to see how mother is._


End file.
